How to crash the fourth richest country in the world

in just five simple prime ministers!

Considering the mess that British politics finds itself in, its easy to think that the Conservative party is self-destructing with a succession of really crap leaders, each one worse than the one before. Basically a massive waste of time, energy and money and a terrible distraction from doing anything about global warming. Just a chaotic farce. Or is it?

When Boris came to power I jokingly said to Lyn, my good wife that he is just playing his part in a very long term plot by a cabal of the super-rich that includes most of the Tory cabinet, to totally trash Britain, allowing cabal members to make enormous profits through their foreign investments as they crash the pound and the economy. The situation has progressed rapidly since then. So here's my take on the whole ball game of Tory destructo-culture. We have to go back a bit...

1. David Cameron

Insist that the global financial crash of 2008 was the fault of your opposition and that they have spent ALL THE MONEY! Make sure you and your colleagues (cabinet members) have moved their huge assets overseas then implement the most crippling, destructive austerity measures ever seen, reversing most of the social service gains made since the end of the second world war. Better still, get the County Councils to do it for you by slashing their funding repeatedly over a ten year period.

During that time, my Council, Gwynedd, was forced to axe funding for domestic abuse victim support, drug and alcohol dependency and closed all the youth clubs, among many, many other cuts while the Westminster government cut all the emergency services budgets. Just what you need when the shit is about to hit the fan.

My Eye and Ear in the financial department told me Gwynedd Council's pension fund was overseen by hedge fund managers who met regularly with Council representatives to explain the position. They were pleased to inform the council that their fund of some £50,000,000 had increased by over 30%! The council congratulated the fund managers on their good work but the managers, very honestly, explained that the increase was nothing to do with them, as all they did was move the fund overseas; all the gain was due to the fall in the value of the pound...Hooray for those Tory cabinet members, suddenly 30% richer for doing exactly nothing!

Small help for those teenagers with nothing to do, taking up roles within county lines supplying a widening range of seriously dangerous drugs from Liverpool and Manchester, across North Wales.

As a tour de force, Cameron encourages the rise of populist leaders by presenting the Brits with a divisive either/or option of whether to pack in the European Union, without going into any detail and allowing a flood of misinformation and downright, barefaced lies to dominate the "debate", leading to a free-for-all shouting match where the loudest, simplest sound-bite stole the show. Result? Britain exits the best, most secure and reliable trading relationship possible in this odd old world on a simple, majority decision with a tiny minority, just 2% of the electorate, with not a clue as to what it all really means. No change there then. Job done, Cameron leaves the stage.

2. Teresa May

A second female prime minister for Britain, so she's bound to be good, like the last one, eh? Simple strategy, repeat, endlessly, There Is No Magic Money Tree! And so continue austerity, austerity, austerity, thus driving the pound down further- look at those hedge funds grow, almost like magic!

Meanwhile, shut yourself away for two years working on the policy for leaving the EU, consulting only with the EU and completely ignoring your colleagues and the opposition (of course) not to mention Northern Ireland. Come up with some fancy (or meaningless) phrases, like the Back Stop (a policy for Northern Ireland which is so obviously unacceptable to Unionists that the whole thing is doomed to begin with) so when you finally present the grand plan, no one in Britain is remotely interested- what a surprise!

Performance over, bow out and now the stage is set for the clowns to take their turns- ho ho, by now we all need a good laugh, if it wasn't so tragic.

3. Boris Johnson

Having written two articles prior to the Brexit vote, one for and one against, Boris pondered over them, long, into the night; the question echoing in his mind, which would be best for Britain? Ho, Ho! Sorry, I mean, which would be best for his career! Having seen the shouty support that Farage was getting, the choice was simple- populism rules the day! Boris gets Back to Basics, as in, leader of the loudest, shoutiest bollocks with the snappiest soundbite, Get Brexit Done! Oh, so simple!

The strategy is simple, just stone wall with the EU and Ireland, present a solid position (as in, completely unprepared to compromise) thus paving the way for crashing out with nothing sorted and the inevitable collapse of power sharing in Northern Ireland and immanent threat to the Good Friday agreement. Add the total incompetence on the UK side of border controls, meaning massive delays, huge stacks of lorries waiting in parks and general increase of bad feeling and dismay all round.

Roll in Covid 19. Who could have guessed that the world would face a global pandemic? How unlikely is that? Indeed, so unlikely that the Tories had ditched the UK stocks of Personal Protective Equipment and pulled out of the EU Shared Resources policy years before. And all this despite the international group of scientists, including Brits, based near Wuhan (would you believe it?) having warned all world governments for at least ten years that the appearance of a novel corona virus was immanent?

Oh well, all praise to Boris that he actually found the Magic Money Tree! Amazing work! So he pours truly enormous sums of dosh into the capitalist system in order to keep the whole crumbling edifice tottering on. Shame he didn't use the year or so of lockdowns to initiate a complete re-design of the damn thing that meant we could live and work within walking distance rather than propping up the very air travel that spread Covid 19 round the world so rapidly!

Lots of great new catch phrases (Levelling Up, the Northern Powerhouse, Cross Rail, HS2) and massively increased public debt and it's time for him to bow out gracefully (ho ho!), his work here is done.

4. Liz Truss

Here's another non-elected PM, Truss (who?) who hits the ground running, creating yet more havoc for the economy in just a matter of weeks, with her sixth form economic policy of Grow The Economy and Tax Cuts For The Rich (who would have imagined a Tory would think of that?) causing panic in the pension funds and forcing the Bank of England to raise interest rates, again, again, fuelling an already burgeoning Cost Of Living Crisis and the threat of evictions as home owners face increased mortgage payments.

In short, not just throw out the baby with the bathwater but chuck the poor mite down the bog! Short and sweet, another one bites the dust, though its no skin off their nose, really.

5. Rishi Sunak

Finally, (so far, they've still got loads of other non-entities to chuck under the bus), yet another non-elected PM and now we're really cooking; with the ordinary folk of Britain having to choose between warmth and food, who better to understand the plight of the new poor than one of the richest men in the world. Exactly what was needed and even better, someone who clearly has no understanding of the True Nature of the Catastrophe, that economic growth is THE driver of Global Warming.

Rishi has a really good card to play- simply reassess how national debt is calculated to come up with a fifty billion pound hole in the public finances (if he'd used the original method of making the calculation there'd be a fourteen billion pound surplus!). This gives him the perfect excuse to make yet more cuts in public spending and raise taxes; we can guess who the tax rises will hurt most- The poorest of course! No change there then!

Latest news, turns out his generous increase in the Minimum Wage and Pensions will push millions over the tax threshold, so they’ll be paying Income Tax on their new found wealth! Radio 4’s Money Box presenter, Paul Lewis was as surprised as I was when told this will mean an additional £100 billion, yes, that’s what he said, an additional £100 billion in Tax Revenue going to the Treasury. There’s Tory generosity for you…

Hang on to your hats, the very bumpy, precipitous descent has already begun!

Meanwhile, the Brit oligarchs are poised to scoop up failed companies for next to nothing, asset strip them and give the remnant a kick as though its still alive. And we thought the Russian people had a hard time after the fall of the iron curtain. Ha! Wait till you see what we look like after a few more years when all the migrants have gone home because their own countries now look positively booming compared to our scrap heap and the Brits suddenly find they have to clean their own toilets!

But hey, wait up Euro-buddies, the Island of Britain isn't just an undemocratic, elitist Westminster bubble, there are three countries here, not to mention the North of England and there is some sanity to be found on the fringes, Scotland and Sturgeon being an obvious example. But speaking about my own fringe, Cymru, or Wales if you want to use the language of the Saxon immigrants, we have a Dragon as our leader!

Thanks for reading. Next time, we'll look at some of the good stuff. Bet you can't wait!